life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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