Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
