obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
