I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
