Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
