he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
