I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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