i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
