Grow some girl-balls and come out already
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
