I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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