i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
