dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
