I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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