She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
