I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
