He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
