He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
