Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
