what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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