i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
