wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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