I think im going to throw up on grandma
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
