Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
