Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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