My liver just broke up with me...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
