Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
