I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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