People with herpes should wear stickers.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
