My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
