oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
