there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
