I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
honey bunches of taint.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
