Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
