butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
