What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
