You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
