I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
