Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he just fucked me for my cheese..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
