I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
wow bdsm is so cute
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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