1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
