ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
