did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
