trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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