Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
