I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
