so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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