did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
