Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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