he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
a search helicopter?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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