nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
