If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
